My name is Andy, and I used to write this blog on a semi-frequent basis, but became really lazy and stopped. Then about a week ago, my friend’s little sister yelled at me for stopping and I felt guilty. Furthermore, in my last post I stated, “…I have not in fact abandoned Life in B-Flat…” which of course turned out to be a lie. If my blog was “The Sting,” then Robert Shaw would have looked right at me and said, “Not only are you a cheat, you’re a gutless cheat as well,” in an awesome Irish accent. Suffice it to say, I’ve done an incredibly lousy job of keeping up with my posts. I can’t promise not to do it again, but I’ll try to be diligent for at least the foreseeable future.
ON SALES TACTICS
Ever since one opened up the road from me, I’ve discovered that Walgreens is a hot bed of Boy Scout and Girl Scout solicitation. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with being accosted by sales-children, unless it’s halftime and I’m running up the road for drinks and/or snacks. I’ve even been known to partake in their wares from time to time. However, one thing I’ve always wondered is why the Boy Scouts don’t change things up a bit. From what I can tell, Boy Scout popcorn has never come close to the mighty conglomerate that is Girl Scout cookies. Have you ever wondered why that is? Both groups use the same basic sales tactics (“Hey mister, would you like to buy <insert product>”), ply their wares at the same locations (grocery stores, drug stores, and strip clubs), and have the same target audience (people who are trying to recapture their youth by fondly remembering their own tenure in Scouting). And yet, during Girl Scout season I consistently see people walking back to their cars laden with colorful boxes of sin filled goodness, while during Boy Scout season I see a table stacked high with lonely boxes of unpopped sadness. In the end, we have to face the harsh reality. The Boy Scouts have a lousy product. Their popcorn does not distinguish itself in any way, shape or form from the standard grocery store variety. Frankly, if I wanted to buy a box of overpriced popcorn, I can go inside the store and score myself some Orville Redenbacher. Meanwhile, the Girl Scouts have consistently produced a product that flies off the proverbial shelves every year. Anyone who’s ever had one knows that when you’ve got a Thin Mint in your hand, happiness is mere seconds away. In the end, it’s all about the product. I don’t mean to pick on the Boy Scouts; I was a Boy Scout myself once upon a time. And just like today’s scouts, I couldn’t sell the popcorn either. It’s time to face the truth. The Boy Scouts either need to find a product that people want, or start adding crack cocaine to their recipe, just like the Girl Scouts do.
Tangent: Does anyone know where I can get a Thin Mint? They’re out of season right now. Are there underground Girl Scout dealers that sell cookies out of season? Can they be Googled?
ON SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION
I can’t be sure, but I suspect one reason why I haven’t written for Life in B Flat in over month is because my job demands that I write a blog post each month for one of the corporate blogs. Clearly this rigorous writing schedule has completely drained my creativity. Because of this, I’m including the following link to the post I wrote for this month, so that I can prove that I have in fact written something in the past 30 days, and not at all because gift card rewards for the most post views are involved here.
I’m not going to lie… it may take me a while to shake off the rust, but I’ll try really hard to not lapse into silence again. I’ve got plenty to write about these days… things like football and why my beloved university can no longer play defense, new television shows I’ve started watching that are actually well written for a change, and the fact that each and every week I get beaten up by a nice German fellow who’s been dead for almost 50 years. There are good things on the road ahead, and I invite each and every one of you to come along on the magic carpet ride through my cerebral cortex. Or you can always watch Gangnam Style for the 800th time instead. That would be ok too.
P.S – Seriously, click on this link so I can win a gift card this month. Thanks.