1) Does anyone else constantly get KC and the Sunshine Band confused with Kool and the Gang? If they did a crossover album, who would get the naming rights? Would it be KC, Kool, and the Sunshine Gang? Would one swallow up the other? Why did no one ever do a production of West Side Story starting KC as Tony, Kool as Bernardo, The Sunshine Band as the Jets, The Gang as the Sharks, and Tina Turner as Maria.
Listen To: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpaS2v-r7cE
2) Why were Cyndi Lauper, and by extension the Goonies, satisfied to just be good enough? The Goonies was an awesome movie. How much more awesome would it have been if they had striven to be great instead of just good enough? I bet if they’d done that, not only would they have saved their houses at the end, but they would have also burned down the houses of the rich people
Listen To: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxLhytQ67fs
3) If Phil Collins had been in Footloose, they wouldn’t have had to settle for Almost Paradise. I imagine the reason that Phil wasn’t in Footloose was because he admitted that he couldn’t dance while in Genesis. However, to forfeit Another Day in Paradise just because a man can’t dance seems petty and childish to me. Kevin Bacon should be ashamed of himself.
Listen To: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIBMpHl-1WU
4) American tennis is a mere shadow of what it was in the 80’s. Legends such as Jimmy Connors, John McEnroe, Pete Sampras, and Andre Agassi have been replaced with people who’s names I’m not even going to bother Googling. I believe that this is because today’s music sucks, and is not capable of inspiring greatness. The only solution is to have the new generation of American tennis players train while listening to the soundtracks from the first 4 Rocky movies. Then, and only then, will we stop getting our asses whipped by guys who in the 80’s were ninja turtles.
Listen To: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4
5) The reason that so many marriages end in divorce now is that the art form that was the 80’s love song has faded into obscurity. People who’s first date was roller skating to Endless Love do not break up. People who’s first kiss was serenaded by the pure falsetto of Peter Cetera do not break up. People who have blessed the rains down in Africa, who know what love has to do with it, who are STILL right here waiting for you, do not break up. Perhaps if people would stop skeet skeet skeeting their way to divorce court and start calling to say, “I love you”, then today’s generation would no longer be all out of love.
Listen To: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWdZEumNRmI